I miss her.
(This post is mostly for the song in the music player. Listen to it please.)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
You will not find it in me simply because I can't, wake up and find it in me, I'm in a coma.
I haven't blogged in a bit, might as well get one in now.
It seems that when I blog, most of the time it involves a girl, this time doesn't break that trend. I can't say her name, simply because I don't want it to be obliterated before it even gets a chance to shine. If it gets a chance. I found out that she has a crush on me, good news, I like her, good news, it gets a bit more complicated after that, but I can't say why. Some of my friends have seen the things shes done and can only look at me and say "Holy crap shes everything you like!" So yeah, hopefully that develops.
I've been working on expressing what I see in my head a lot more. Anybody who cares to listen and throw me words or phrases I'll show you what I mean. Most of the time they are demented, its what I like, so if that doesn't float your boat its probably not in your best interest.
My shit is wack! woah-ah! woah-oh!
I'm getting back into drawing. If I can listen to music, I can get something decent down. A bit of writing too, mostly my last hour is taken up by that. Apparently I slept-wrote a page of it. I remember going to bed in third hour, and waking up fifth hour. I got all the work in between done, I even wrote in that book. (Terrible page of writing by the way.)
This girl, I am attempting to supply her with strength. I cannot say why, hell, when I want to divulge on this topic, I only hit another wall. Give me time, maybe then it will all be explained.
It seems that when I blog, most of the time it involves a girl, this time doesn't break that trend. I can't say her name, simply because I don't want it to be obliterated before it even gets a chance to shine. If it gets a chance. I found out that she has a crush on me, good news, I like her, good news, it gets a bit more complicated after that, but I can't say why. Some of my friends have seen the things shes done and can only look at me and say "Holy crap shes everything you like!" So yeah, hopefully that develops.
I've been working on expressing what I see in my head a lot more. Anybody who cares to listen and throw me words or phrases I'll show you what I mean. Most of the time they are demented, its what I like, so if that doesn't float your boat its probably not in your best interest.
My shit is wack! woah-ah! woah-oh!
I'm getting back into drawing. If I can listen to music, I can get something decent down. A bit of writing too, mostly my last hour is taken up by that. Apparently I slept-wrote a page of it. I remember going to bed in third hour, and waking up fifth hour. I got all the work in between done, I even wrote in that book. (Terrible page of writing by the way.)
This girl, I am attempting to supply her with strength. I cannot say why, hell, when I want to divulge on this topic, I only hit another wall. Give me time, maybe then it will all be explained.
Monday, January 11, 2010
We'll sit for days, and talk about things, important to us like whatever. We'll defuse bombs, run marathons, and take on whatever together...
Recently, life hasn't posed much of a threat. I've been living pretty well, social life is great, and I'm even getting my daily dose of flirting. Since cutting has become the topic of the day, I might as well put my view out there too.
Cutting, as it is, can be a couple things. Either a display of power over ones self, or a euphoric release from some kind of emotional issue. No matter what somebody tells you, it is not done to kill themselves, if they truely wanted to die, you would have never known until the cops checked on the rotting smell.
People who cut bug me for one simple reason, they see themselves as weak in a normal light, and powerful in another. You must pick your own way. You don't need gashes on your arm to empower yourself. A girl told me, that even though I was hard on her, it still caused her to relinquish cutting, even if just for a bit. If you come to me, I will help you the best I can, you may not like the method, but it will help in the end.
Music is producing a bigger influence on me day by day, the way I feel, the way I act, whatever. Right now, I feel so full of love that its about to burst. Even the boy with a bit of a dark perspective on life longs for a warm sunny day, where he can just sit and listen to a girl talk. Share a smile, a kiss under the shaking shadows of the leaves above. No feeling of nervousness, because its fine, everything is fine. I want that, I want that badly, but I will be patient for it.
Fairly short entry, but I got what was on my mind off it.
Later!
Cutting, as it is, can be a couple things. Either a display of power over ones self, or a euphoric release from some kind of emotional issue. No matter what somebody tells you, it is not done to kill themselves, if they truely wanted to die, you would have never known until the cops checked on the rotting smell.
People who cut bug me for one simple reason, they see themselves as weak in a normal light, and powerful in another. You must pick your own way. You don't need gashes on your arm to empower yourself. A girl told me, that even though I was hard on her, it still caused her to relinquish cutting, even if just for a bit. If you come to me, I will help you the best I can, you may not like the method, but it will help in the end.
Music is producing a bigger influence on me day by day, the way I feel, the way I act, whatever. Right now, I feel so full of love that its about to burst. Even the boy with a bit of a dark perspective on life longs for a warm sunny day, where he can just sit and listen to a girl talk. Share a smile, a kiss under the shaking shadows of the leaves above. No feeling of nervousness, because its fine, everything is fine. I want that, I want that badly, but I will be patient for it.
Fairly short entry, but I got what was on my mind off it.
Later!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Hey-a Tom its Bob, from the office down the hall. It's good to see you buddy how've you been? Things have been ok for me except that I'm a zombie now.
Wow, its been...yeah, its been a while.
So, life has been doing life type of things. Being a bitch, being fun. I've started to see where life is going, and I wouldn't say I'm sad about it, just apathetic. Hopefully I land a gig being a writer or director but other than that it is probably going to boil down to some kind of computer work.
I have to start living it up fast, not because of some carpe di noctem thing, (And yes, I know its night.) but because of this increasing feeling I've been having. I thought it would go away with time, just some paranoia, but its just been growing. I think I'm going to die soon, protecting somebody else. The kicker though? I'm not scared, if anything I feel great, if I had any doubt about getting into heaven, right there is my pass. I don't have a fear of dying, I can't remember a time in which I have. Everybody's got to die sometime, right? Why not use this useless body to take the worst from a charging car heading for my friends? This doesn't mean that I'm going to go out there looking for something to die from, just that I think it's going to happen.
I spent loads of time with my friends this last two weeks, holy hell, it was awesome. We didn't do anything to epic but it still was with them, and that's what matters. I saw many sunrises with them, and then saw a pillow in extreme contact with my face as we all slept till three, yeah, three.
Now, a topic that always seems to show up in these posts, women. Still single, but it's not that big of an issue, not like I need one to go on, I'm still me with or without one. I know there's a girl who takes interest in me, but hell, I think I'm just second best with her out of anger and frustration. Another, well, that's just confusing as hell, talked to her about it at the party, guess shes just lonely. Hopefully it works out ok with her and whatever shes after, but I have no idea if I'm even in that picture.
Schools tomorrow...ya know...I don't care, I know I'm going to wake up, feel like I have a hangover, stumble blindly to the shower most likely wrecking my foot on some hidden obstacle, and make it through the day. I'd have to say the saddest part of it all is leaving school and seeing the sun already starting to set, way to imprison us all fucking day you assholes; because I didn't have anything better to do with my daylight, now I have to be a vampire. I think I'm going to miss breakfast, I never get breakfast during the week, winter break supplied me with copious amounts of french toast. Now? Now I get empty stomach until lunch, food that may not even be considered so to put inside it, then home. My house is usually empty from 3:30 to 1:00 a.m. so I get to rule the place, but it also shoots socialization in the face and makes it pretty lonely.
I can't say that I'm exactly pleased with where my life is right now, but I can't help but look forward to where its going.
Later!
So, life has been doing life type of things. Being a bitch, being fun. I've started to see where life is going, and I wouldn't say I'm sad about it, just apathetic. Hopefully I land a gig being a writer or director but other than that it is probably going to boil down to some kind of computer work.
I have to start living it up fast, not because of some carpe di noctem thing, (And yes, I know its night.) but because of this increasing feeling I've been having. I thought it would go away with time, just some paranoia, but its just been growing. I think I'm going to die soon, protecting somebody else. The kicker though? I'm not scared, if anything I feel great, if I had any doubt about getting into heaven, right there is my pass. I don't have a fear of dying, I can't remember a time in which I have. Everybody's got to die sometime, right? Why not use this useless body to take the worst from a charging car heading for my friends? This doesn't mean that I'm going to go out there looking for something to die from, just that I think it's going to happen.
I spent loads of time with my friends this last two weeks, holy hell, it was awesome. We didn't do anything to epic but it still was with them, and that's what matters. I saw many sunrises with them, and then saw a pillow in extreme contact with my face as we all slept till three, yeah, three.
Now, a topic that always seems to show up in these posts, women. Still single, but it's not that big of an issue, not like I need one to go on, I'm still me with or without one. I know there's a girl who takes interest in me, but hell, I think I'm just second best with her out of anger and frustration. Another, well, that's just confusing as hell, talked to her about it at the party, guess shes just lonely. Hopefully it works out ok with her and whatever shes after, but I have no idea if I'm even in that picture.
Schools tomorrow...ya know...I don't care, I know I'm going to wake up, feel like I have a hangover, stumble blindly to the shower most likely wrecking my foot on some hidden obstacle, and make it through the day. I'd have to say the saddest part of it all is leaving school and seeing the sun already starting to set, way to imprison us all fucking day you assholes; because I didn't have anything better to do with my daylight, now I have to be a vampire. I think I'm going to miss breakfast, I never get breakfast during the week, winter break supplied me with copious amounts of french toast. Now? Now I get empty stomach until lunch, food that may not even be considered so to put inside it, then home. My house is usually empty from 3:30 to 1:00 a.m. so I get to rule the place, but it also shoots socialization in the face and makes it pretty lonely.
I can't say that I'm exactly pleased with where my life is right now, but I can't help but look forward to where its going.
Later!
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